Credit: Juri Gianfrancesco

How being more present in conversation can change your life.

Have you ever left a conversation feeling more seen, heard, and connected? And have you ever left a conversation feeling greater than before the conversation, or even worse — less than? Instead of a real exchange, my observation is that conversations often feel like a zero-sum game exchange, in which one person leaves as the “winner take all” champion.

Many of us are interested in having a conversation because we want to feel more connected to each other, and to ourselves. But what if conversations are actually making us feel even lonelier?

What we witnessed during the Presidential debates was a reflection of the lost art of real conversation and the need to “win” in conversation. And that is true even at the most basic social level.

I’ve been reflecting on the art of conversation, and how little intimacy seems to be happening in them these days. And my belief is that not enough people really know what they think, and instead cling on to an identity and a narrative that makes them feel safe. Because to know what one really thinks takes time, silence, and…